My Photo Documentary of my 1200 mile journey to Denver

March 2nd, 2009

1st Task after sorting through all my boxes and choosing what to bring now and what to bring later and what to throw away was to pack my car.

I needed to fit all of this:




Into this:


Oh Dear!!!





I DID IT!!!
(with room to spare I proudly add!)






On my way with my tear-stained face and adventurous spirit:







A Colorado plate only 20 miles from home!! I played the license plate game to keep me semi-occupied and found 37 states! Colorado was my first one:



I had to stop every few hours just to get out of the car, stretch my legs, breathe fresh air and change up the scenery. Which means I kept passing the same slow cars again and again. Including this truck that's hard to miss with those huge tires, I passed it at least 3 times... eventually I thought of us as friends.




I stopped in DesMoines (a very cool city from what I saw!) and crashed with my generous Uncle David, Aunt Jo, and family. This is me, exhausted from my first day of driving and trying hard to have a positive attitude about the 11 more hours to be spent behind the wheel the next day.


On the road again early the next morning with a full tank of gas and a Starbucks in my hand!

Ahh... Nebraska... the good life? My experience there does not agree with that statement...


I saw these crazy birds all congregating on this lake by the highway, thousands of them - hard to see in the picture:




I needed to include a picture of the road... and farmlands... I felt as if I was on one of those cartoons where the same tree and rock get passed a dozen times





My first Denver sign - a monumental moment! 292 miles to go!






I was on route 80 for 850 miles of the 1200 mile trip! I was SO EXCITED to get on a different highway, it felt... different. :/







WELCOME TO COLORFUL COLORADO!!! I was so excited to reach my new homestate...






t was 75 degrees when I reached Colorado... (proof)


So I rolled my window down and donned my sunglasses as I entered the sunny state:






You can see the mountains in the distance - here I come!!!



Welcome to DENVER!!!!





My street: Iliff Place...




The sunset over the mountains as I pulled onto my street. I savored the moment and colors.







Out all my stuff came...



After a few days, I finally felt all settled in.




My Aunt Irma's house:






"Toto - I don't think we're in Kansas anymore":

Exploring downtown Denver and feeling like a tourist taking pictures even though I'm a "local".





The Denver Public Library (where I am posting this blog!), 7 floors of books, wireless internet, and great views: pretty darn close to Heaven!








A late-night adventure to Look-out Mountain overlooking the city of Denver - it was beautiful, not anywhere near capture in these photographs:

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In 5 words:

I really want to wait until I can upload my pictures on here and share my photo documentary of my 1200 mile journey here. I like things to be organized chronologically and so this is a little irritating to me that it's going to be out of order on the blog. But it may be a week before I can post those pics, so I will have to live with it. I definitely have some beaver in me (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry about it!)

I recently read a friend's blog where she described her day in 5 words and I like that, so I'm going to steal her idea:

overwhelming
refreshing
awed of God's creation
hungry
tired

I am overwhelmed with all the emotions that comes with having no routine or normalcy. I don't adjust to change well, so this is overwhelming for me.

I was refreshed this morning as I sank into God's Word and allowed His promises to wash over my Spirit and bring me peace, despite my circumstances staying the same. Praise God that we can have joy, peace and contentment wherever we are!

I am awed by God's creation, the blue sky, sunlight shining in my room in the morning, the mountains towering over the city and making the Denver skyline seem minuscule to God's creation. I think of one of the last sermon's I heard at Crossroads when Pastor Rod was talking about the city and our buildings. He used them as a metaphor for what our priorities are as we try to "make a name for ourselves" in this world. We as a human race have a desire to build tall buildings, just as they did with the Tower of Babel. However we were not created on this earth to make a name for ourself, to glorify our name, but instead to bring His name glory. The mountains towering are a constant reminder of that!

I am hungry, I left the house at 11:30 (3 hours ago) and haven't eaten lunch yet so my stomach is growling.

I am tired. I am fighting a cold leaving me coughing and feeling achy. I am still trying to bounce back after spending over 18 hours in a car over a period of two days. I am adjusting to the thin air of the Mile High city and also throw in a two-hour time change, leaves me feeling fuzzy and sleepy.

Pics to come soon! :)

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65 days of clouds

Here are some raw thoughts from my journal during my recent visit to Denver...

January 29, 2009
"I am sitting in a blue, maybe it's green, vinyl chair in concourse A at Midway International Airport. I'm flying non-stop to the Mile High City - Denver. Today I'm flying to a place I may call home very soon and I can't help but feel that God has orchestrated this entire thing. If I didn't believe in God, I would most definitely admit that it seems some force is behind it. But I do believe in God and I know that He has His hands on the puppet strings of my life.

Interrupted from a call from my sister, I am now crossing over the prairie land of America, if I knew my geography better I would know which state - maybe still Illinois or Iowa. I see fields and long county roads, a stark difference to the towering, bustling city of Chicago. I am anxious for above freezing temperatures and mountains - oh glorious mountains. I feel it is time for a love affair with the mountains; well me and my bear bag. Yes I think the majestic Rocky Mountains and I will get along just fine. I am anxious to see them and embrace them, to run, hike, camp and... I say with MUCH hesitation, even ski. I suppose I will need my mountain fix through the snowy months. And while I look head at Boulder, and at my potential future there, I recognize that while I pridefully boast of my 300+ days of sunshine, I am well aware of the 65 cloudy, rainy, gray, bleak days ahead. When I feel very far away from family and miss out on events that don't warrant the pricey flight home. There will be days when I feel surrounded by strangers simply because the longevity of all my friendships can almost be counted in hours...

God is luring me to Colorado with the beauty of His creation that I get to enjoy. He is drawing me in with the promise of sunshine and warmer weather, of which I will take full advantage. See, I am a window-seat, windows open, natural light, front porch-sitting, run and walk-taking kind of girl. There is a simplicity and a divine presence in nature, wildlife, in the mountains that cannot be forged or matched in any man-made form. Not in a Yankee Candle, or a CD of nature sounds. Not in an Imax movie, coffee table book, National Geographic magazine or on Planet Earth. They are all tantalizing, unfulfilling forms of the original Redwoods or Grand Canyon. There is only one Mt. Everest, Victoria Falls and Rocky Mountains... and nothing compares.

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Post-storm

Oh dear...

It has been a month since I've written in here, I feel like I have lost touch with an old friend and much has happened. If this were an actual event and not just a metaphor, my old friend would be stunned and shocked with the pace at which my life is changing. It seems since my last post my life has gone from going in one direction, to doing a Michigan turn and going the opposite direction. I was searching to settle down in Grand Rapids, work full-time, find a ministry to get involved in, find a cozy corner to decorate and live in... but instead... I am moving 1,000 miles away to Denver Colorado. Wow... yeah I know.

When I am in the midst of a lot of change or when a lot is going on, you'd think that's when my journaling would increase, instead I can't write something until I have my thoughts formulated and I can't formulate my thoughts in the midst of the storm, it's only post-storm that I sit, reflect, gather my thoughts that are scattered all over the beach and leisurely record them as I sift through and figure out what is worth keeping. The same principle is applied to blogging, it is overwhelming to me to blog/write/reflect in the middle of it. However, the longer I wait after the storm... it is almost equally as overwhelming to "update" my life.

I'm moving.
Away, far away.
With no return ticket in hand, no idea if I'll ever live in West Michigan again.
I'm leaving my church (heart drops immedietly as I type this).
God is faithful, and has provided everything I need.
I feel more alive now that I have in a long time. I am leaving the comfort zone of my home and venturing out, with no guarantees or promises. It's an adventure where I'll meet new people, make new friends, have new experiences, do crazy things like down-hill skiing. And I do it all not for the sake of money, not to run away from the Michigan economy (to be honest I feel guilty, as though I am abandoning my home), not for the sake of adventure, but because I feel God is leading me on this path to Denver.

Through all this, I am discovering a new level of surrender and faith that is required to make such a move. On March 2nd, I'm packing as much stuff as I can into my '97 Grand Prix, I will cry until I reach South Haven, and then I will start to allow my past to be my past and to look ahead to the future... whatever that holds.

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It is no small thing.

It's 1 am, for some reason I come alive at night, with thoughts, dreams and to do lists waiting to be done. Why I can't feel this kind of motivation in the morning, when all I want to do is lie in bed until noon I don't know. I swear I'm nocturnal, like an owl or some other nocturnal animal I can't think of right now.

Have you ever just had Jesus just break into your life? God is just breaking in and fighting for my heart right now. He wants it all and I can feel the pull and the yearning and the tugging of my heart. I've been sensing His presence in such a real way, I can almost feel Him looking at me - what His face would look like. If you allow yourself to imagine, to tangibly imagine God with you all the time, which He is, it's a bit of a reality check. His invisibility has become more "visible" to me lately. And there are moments when His existence is so undeniable, when the moon is casting shadows onto my snow-covered driveway in a way that makes me want to sit down in it's light like I would sunshine on the beach, basking in the utter and deep reality of God.

I watched a video today of a woman who had a baby and a few short hours later, her child died in her arms. My heart literally aches for the pain she went through and is going through. The most amazing thing is she praises God through it. And I have been so touched by her story and her willingness to share her struggles, her questions, and her joys via the internet. This internet is a crazy thing, filled with the potential for so much damage to be done to lives in so many ways there are too many to list. And then I stumble upon these women who are taking the time to post pictures, and videos and their thoughts and struggles on life, marriage, death, God, money - bearing their souls for people to read. And they are being blessed, the internet, blogging has been redeemed and used for the glory of God and not in a small way, but in a huge way. Stories are so powerful, Jesus taught through parables and when I read stories like Angie Smith and Kate McDonald and countless others, their story affects my story and God uses their lives as an avenue for His truth in mine.

Thank you fellow writers who are courageous enough to publicly declare their stories of how God is working in their lives... it is no small thing.

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In the Meantime

I was working at Yankee Candle this evening, enjoying the busyness and fun of retail. I had stopped in Panera on my way in to get something to sip on as I sold candles. :) I wanted to get a decaf coffee, but the hazelnut sounded SOOO good. So I decided, despite the late hour, I would test caffeine's affect on me and get a cup of coffee at 7:00 at night. BAD decision. It is 1:30 in the morning and I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. So what else to do but look around on-line, mostly for jobs and I'm actually looking at jobs in Denver. Crazy... and scary... to think about moving - but also simultaneously exciting and full of hope and potential. I was checking out Focus on the Family's website, see if they have any employment opportunities and happened upon their "Boundless" webzine is what they call it. It's for singles. I started looking at the blogs, books and articles they have, drawn in by the pictures and taglines. I began to think, as I read over various titles of books (The thrill of the chaste, Where have all the good men gone? 5 paths to the Love of your life, and more...) and a variety of articles about getting set up on blind dates (I have yet to ever go on one), how to enjoy this season, and an entire article on the premise that singleness is glorified and viewed as a "gift", they ask the question IS IT? (I echo that question often!)

I hesitate to discuss my thoughts on my singleness and 26 years of age, it's something I tend not to focus on or think about. Maybe it will just go away, I'll go back to when I'm 22 and get married like I was "supposed" to! :) But I guess that is probably not the healthy thing to do... denial. I never thought that I would ever be 26 and single, never. I still don't think I do, even though that is what I wake up to every morning, having lived 26 years and dating no one. So, I live in the season of "in the meantime" and yet strive not to. I live in the season of waiting and yet try viciously to stop waiting for my life to begin and live now. What metaphor can I draw to help you understand? I know, stick with me on this one...if you jump in the car to go grab a gallon of milk from the local grocery story, it's what, a 5 minute drive at the most right? Now, when I know I'm only going to be in the car for a few minutes, I usually don't search out my ipod from the bottom of my purse and pick a song of which I'll only hear 30 seconds of by the time I find it and almost get in 2 accidents while I pay more attention to my song choice then the road. I usually just avoid the whole situation and flip on the radio, hoping that I happened to get 3 minutes of my favorite song rather then the commercials and/or weather announcing MORE snow and cold weather. My life is the 5 minute drive to the store, stuck behind traffic because a semi flipped over on the road. Do you get out the ipod or pick the CD? Do you listen to your favorite music or keep on pushing through the old DC Talk song that you liked when you were in 9th grade? Are you going to listen to the news again, all the job losses and the sky is falling economy talk? Or are you going to flip on your favorite belt-it-out worship song while you're sitting... and waiting... and waiting... ahhh... the power of a metaphor. I certainly hope that helps you understand my "in the meantime" life. If I were a singer/songwriter, I would write a song called In the Meantime, it would be upbeat and catchy though, or maybe it would be solemn and deep. Maybe it will be both. I have no point I suppose to this blog entry except that I have not figured out how to live in this season most of the time and I struggle with being bitter and frustrated with the hand of cards I have been dealt by our perfect, all-knowing Creator. I just don't feel it, I choose it, to trust in Him everyday and sometimes I forget to choose it and instead listen to DC Talk, instead of really living. It's so hard to really live when something you desire greatly is unrealized in your life. I have more thoughts on singleness and 26 as you can imagine I'm sure, but I'll leave the topic for now, too afraid to reveal too much all in one sitting.

It's 1:44, I'm going to try and get some sleep, despite my hazelnut buzz. Bad bad decision.

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Snow Scrooge

I woke up yesterday morning, curling up on the couch under a blanket, and the sun was just starting to peak through the gray, gloomy clouds. My heart yearns for sunshine and my skin for vitamin D. My mom came downstairs and says with a disappointed tone that it looks like the snow is done falling for now. I yelped for joy, I don't want anymore precipitation coming down, cutting everyone's speeds in half on the highway and causing accidents and back-ups. She called me a snow scrooge. As Stephanie would say on Full House "how rude!" (If you don't know what I'm talking about, it probably means I'm getting too old). However, there might be some truth to that... *smile* I am trying to make friends with winter, with lots and lots of coffee, my snap and snuggle, fires in the wood-burning stove, wearing slippers every chance I get and borrowing my mom's oh-so-soft scarf. When the wind isn't blowing and the snow isn't falling, I'd say we're mere acquaintances.

I am currently holing up in Biggby Coffee in Grand Rapids, awaiting my next 4 hour shift at Yankee Candle. It is packed today, and I am literally tucked away in the corner. In order to get out I literally have to weave my way through a maze of chairs, feet, computer bags and shoulders. I kind of like it.

I would like to say that today I am filled with faith, but unfortunately it's one of those days that I feel so much more full of doubt. I am worried that I won't find a job soon, and I am heavy with the burdens of bills, debt, and borrowing money from people. I remember once I was traveling with my church choir when I was in high school, I had run out of money and we stopped for lunch on the way home. I was too timid and/or prideful to ask to borrow some money so I could eat, so I mooched a few fries and my tummy rumbled all the way home. I still struggle with asking for help, and if I am forced to, I carry it around like a burden, frustrated that I am being a burden to others. I don't know what the root of that is, but I am so tired of trying to squelch out the worry and stress, trying to remind myself of truth. Truth just seems as cloudy and gray as the clouds outside this afternoon. I long for someone to step in and believe for me when I'm too tired to keep on believing. My hope is dim today...

I am going to go immerse myself in His Word because on days like this, everything else seems fruitless and exhausting. It is only through His truth that I am energized... so I am going to go feast.

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