Moving Forward

Exhausting but great week... Tuesday thru Saturday consisted of being downloaded with information from morning 'til evening. I now know how a computer feels (if a computer could feel) when we select the gray button to download a new program and it takes 30 minutes as you anxiously wait for the rectangle to fill up and be 100% finished and you're able to use the program. Schedule, how to fix a fence, how to drive the tractor, how to drive the bus, what horse is which, where the cleaning supplies is, how to drive a team of horses, and the list goes on and on. You know how it is, when you start a new job and you're shadowing someone, trying to learn as much as you can and feeling like you're in the way. There's a few moments of accomplishment, like you actually contributed and are maybe getting the hang of it. Then there's that moment where you ask yourself the question, "What do I do now?". Yeah... it was like that all week. I met new people, got thrown into new situations where I had to fudge my way through pretending like I knew what I was doing, and loving every minute of it. I have been learning about horses and I have so many ideas for summer. I'm beginning to see it all play out in my head of what it will look like. I'm anxious for the rest of the staff to come and to get started! I've got different trainings over the next couple of weeks and in between those, on the weekends, I'll be traveling to Chicago twice to celebrate my niece's first birthday, to be a part of her dedication ceremony, celebrate mother's day, and also my sister's college graduation. May will be busy but exciting.

I drove back to Grand Rapids this weekend to de-ranch a little, see some friends, go to Meijer, and worship at Crossroads. It has been a blessing, but harder then I expected because I did not expect the homelessness that I would feel when I got here. When I drove up to camp last week, Grand Rapids was still home to me, and then when I returned here and slept on an air mattress at a friend's house, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks that I really don't have a home. It was a strange feeling and caught me off guard. God is my rock and my strength, the stability in my life and I'm clinging to Him.

Working up at camp this summer is such a huge blessing to me, my life is rich and overflowing with learning opportunities and new friendships. I am pushing myself and stretching myself and at the end of the day I tiredly rinse off all the dirt and sweat of the day and feel as though I have accomplished something. The days are filled with potential and mystery, I am thrilled to be around horses and their constant presence is reviving my passion for them. There is something incredibly right for me about being able to ride everyday if I wanted to. I love their sweet nickers, and listening to the pounding of their hooves as they chase each other around the island. I led a trail ride on Saturday in the rain. It was lightly trickling down and I was wearing a borrowed duster and cowboy hat. Mears is a week or two behind Grand Rapids in weather, so spring is just starting to draw out the green leaves and the trees are slowly filling out. I was dreading the ride to be honest... until I got out there. There was something incredibly beautiful about being a part of the refreshing of the rain, like I entered into some kind of reality that is secret and hidden because when it rains, most people naturally hole up inside. I was warm and dry underneath the leather duster and hat and I was in awe of the incredible beauty surrounding me. Rain makes everything look bright green and on the trees and branches surrounding me was buds and leaves, and then there were some that were inbetween. I was literally watching the birth of summer and all that it brings. It's one of those moments when God just surprised me with a part of His character, the restoration and rebirth of the dead and I understood it in a way that you can't by reading or hearing.

I'm moving forward in life, I'm learning and growing, failing and succeeding. I'm anxiously waiting for all that is in store this week, this month and the next few months and trying desperately not to worry about where I'll be in August.

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