Peace

It has been awhile since I've written on my blog, I have done an awful job this summer of keeping up with my social life. It was good for me though. Before I came to work at camp I was feeling so bogged down and heavy with all the pressures of life, so much so that I sometimes felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't get out from under it, the financial pressures and all the worldly pressures all around me, telling me what it is I should value and how I should live my life. One of my weaknesses and probably a strength as well is I am a people pleaser. I don't like conflict, so whatever I can do to make life easier and peaceful, I do. I give up things, I stray from who I am for a feigned peace. When you're not being true to your inside, when your external and internal are not consistent, you feel anything but peace. And I wasn't doing anything wrong, it just wasn't me. I try to please my church, my friends, my family - especially my parents. I try to please my sister and brother and be who they want me to be. That is exhausting. Not to mention all the media pressure. And it's the subtle things too... the feeling like I'm getting too old and I need to have a high-paying job and a family, I need to have a home, something to prove to everyone that I am successful. That pressure seemed to grow everyday. This summer I was released from it all, and it felt good. I dropped off the face of the earth for awhile and now I'm back to reality, maybe back to blogging, I don't make any promises.

Well I'm back to reality, but I am still at camp, until October 6. So I'm working, and when I'm off, I'm looking for a job. I'm trying to figure out how to relax and enjoy the coming of fall, the changing of the seasons. How can I enjoy the peace of this place but not using it as an escape from reality. Because when October 7 comes around and I have to face it, it's going to be awfully hard if I've been running from it for a month.

It's been an amazing summer... but I think I've shared enough... I'll share more soon.

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