Dancing Shadows.

I drove around Denver tonight, trying to decide on the perfect coffee shop that I could rest my soul in, that would ease the frazzled edges of my mind, that would provide me the space to breathe. I ended up at Cafe Europa on Pennsylvania Street and I am confirmed that this is a good place to be with the dancing shadows on the floor and the quiet stillness that offers an almost magical room. I plunked down in the corner, next to the door which in the winter would not be a very good idea, but on a beautiful spring evening, the breeze pushing the door open and sneaking in to join us is just delightful. I sit to read my friend's blogs, always enjoying the challenges and insights she offers, and I read this line:

"Pastor Kallam defines struggling well with: engaging and wrestling with life believing that God Himself is enough and the confusion and mystery of life point us to Christ who is our only hope."

This quote is a perfect mixture of freedom and hope, two things my soul is craving right now and while sipping on my mango tea and waiting for Pandora to load, Colbie Collait's Hold On plays, a song that soothes my soul like a mother's touch to an upset child. It was a perfect, profound moment with dancing shadows, soothing music, and deep thoughts...

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I'm Home.

Yesterday I got to leave work a little early, I drove home, trying to decide which route to take... I'm so glad I chose to exit at University Blvd because in someone's yard was the most perfect book shelf I have ever seen! It is a ladder bookshelf that leans up against your wall, it has a little bit of a modern look to it, the best part is that it isn't clunky or chunky and takes up very little space. And in my 456 sq. foot apartment, space is crucial! The pic on the left isn't my actual bookshelf, but exactly like it. Isn't it glorious? $25 they were asking... JACKPOT! :) I drove to the bank, withdrew the money, packed it up in my backseat, went home, put on a new CD of a guy named Owen who I heard playing in a coffee shop, and screwed together my treasure. Then came the best part, I pulled out my two boxes of books and the stacks under my bed and arranged them on the shelf just so. I displayed L.M Montgomery who wrote the Anne of Green Gables series, I have Francine Rivers, Frederik Buechner and Ernest Hemingway. I have fiction novels, philosophy wonderings, theology books and more. They are easily accessible and display who I am and what I value. You want to know who I am, just take a look at my bookshelf. I am home now; the dust has been blown off my books and they have been unpacked from their stuffy, dark storage spaces. They have rightfully claimed their space in my small little home and I feel more at peace and more whole because they are there. It's amazing, the little things that are so meaningful. I have a bookshelf now, my first bookshelf since I've moved to Denver, and I am home now.

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Lonely Front Porches.

I have been running in my neighborhood a lot, on these perfect, still, peaceful evenings. The wind dies down and the sun slants perfectly through the trees as if it is posing for a picture. The air smells fresh of lilacs and green grass and I wonder, where are all the people? It is evening, when most should be home from work, finished with dinner and I wonder what is with the phenomenon of empty front porches? What a perfect spot to grab a cup of coffee and sit with your husband or wife and talk about your day? Or grab a book or Bible and just enjoy the peace and quiet? It's the perfect spot to catch up with you best friend on the phone, or simply catch a quick cat nap on a hammock in the yard. It amazes me that while I run 3-4 miles around my neighborhood, it's not that only a few are out, it's that NO ONE is out on their front porch. They have this beautiful furniture, glorious flowers and landscaping in their yards, and yet what is it all for? I am close to sitting on each of their front porches, because they are lonely and are crying out for attention. They want to be enjoyed and relaxed in. If you have a front porch, GO... sit... people watch... bring a blanket... and your journal and a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Enjoy life. If I had a front porch, I would be out on it every night, and you are maybe thinking that life gets busy... I am well aware of busy, but in the past few years I have realized the importance of claiming those moments when you can choose to do or to be. I have been choosing to be a lot lately, it is so necessary for my emotional and mental sanity, and spiritual health. It calms my spirit and I center myself when I sit outside, lay down in the park and read a book, or take a long walk with a cup of coffee. I am sad for all the lonely front porches, and for the people who live in them who are so busy doing, they don't have time to be.

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Stealing lilacs.

I want to live in a flowering tree. I want to pack up my life, clothes, books, food, and just move in. I could bring a pillow and lean up against the trunk. I could charge my phone at work, park on the street, it'd be rent-free! Yesterday I took a walk/jog (my first time since my foot injury two weeks ago!! Very exciting!), and as I ran around Cheeseman Park, I passed several flowering trees, consumed with that fresh amazing smell they cannot reproduce in a candle no matter how hard they try, it made me want to follow the scent like a dog does the smell of red meat! Or a shark and blood. Or a kid and candy. Or a woman and chocolate. Like a cartoon character, I wanted my nose to lead the way... to just lay down underneath and fall asleep. Today I was at my favorite coffee shop, enjoying a relaxing Saturday morning (not in class) and I went to grab something from my car. I passed a genius, ableit slightly strange woman who lay on a bench with a lilac flower laying under her nose. I think she and I will be neighbors in our flowering trees, I hope she'll lend me a cup of sugar when I need it. She is my soul mate, which is kind of scary, but I genuinely laughed, because if I had that much gall to lay on a public bench with a large purple flower laying on my face, I would. Maybe I will. I also constantly have the urge to take a pair of scissors in my hoodie pocket on my next walk, with a large, subtle bag to collect flower branches from other people's trees, collect them all in a vase and put them by my bed. I want to steal! On a regular basis, I want to steal people's flowers. I want to break one of the 10 commandments so I can enjoy God's creation, does that make it okay? Hmmm... I don't think so. I haven't done it yet, maybe I'll wait for the cloak of darkness tonight...

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