I want to live like everyday is Easter!

I woke up Easter Sunday morning, disappointed because I had been planning on attending the Red Rocks Easter Sunrise service for weeks and looking forward to enjoying a unique way to celebrate Christ's resurrection in a beautiful setting with thousands of people. The weather did not cooperate and it was cold and rainy, so I decided not to go sit in the rain and cold at 6 am. My heart was heavy when I rolled out of bed at 7:30 am to attend the 9:00 service at Church in the City. My friend Dani and her mom who was visiting from out of town for the weekend were planning on coming with me, so I met them at their apartment just before the service and they had overslept. I was overwhelmed with loneliness attending church alone on Easter Sunday and tears were threatening to overflow at any moment as I walked in and sat down by myself. My entire family was in Chicago celebrating together (see picture of Addison above - love you A!!) and I so wished that I was with them. I had to work from 12-7, so my entire afternoon was going to be consumed with attending customers that venture out to BBB on Easter Sunday (a surprisingly large amount of people). I sat in church, feeling very sorry for myself, but God did not let me stay there, He called me out to rejoice in the blessing of my salvation as we sang and worshiped this great God that we serve! I wanted to just have a pity party, but even though I was alone, I found such great joy, peace and comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone and that Jesus died on the cross for me. What joy fills your spirit when you realize that truth deep in your soul. I spent the rest of the service, humbled and peaceful, even though I was still missing my family. God reminded me as I drove through Denver to eat breakfast with Corbett that there are many out there that do not even have families that miss them today. The disenfranchised and lonely were out walking the streets in groves, particularly the streets I was driving on and reminded me how blessed I am that I have a job and a family that loves me. I am so grateful to serve a God that doesn't allow us to stay feeling sorry for ourselves very long. I ended up having a great day, enjoying the laid back atmosphere at work and spending time with friends in the evening.

My other thought about Easter Sunday, and God has reiterated this lesson to me several times since that morning (as He often does) was that as I worshipped and sang with such joy and passion on Sunday morning, I just so wish that I would live all the time with that realization and true joy that comes when I focus on my salvation and how unworthy I am to have it. I want everyday to be like Easter Sunday when I just revel in His love and sing and live like a wretched sinner, who has been redeemed! Everyday... every morning to sit on that truth and allow it to soak in so that my life reflects the truth. Ironic, as I write this, I am listening to Bethany Dillion's song "Waking Up". Here are they lyrics:

I'm on a flight home this morning
And I can't help but stare at You
My face pressed against this little window
The sky explodes in praise to You, to You
I know my words can't wrap their arms around You tight enough
But still I'll try in this simple song
To You, my Jesus

Because the more I fight it, the more I love You
As my eyes widen, I have to tell You

There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
Oh, waking up to You

I am small, but I have seen
The same sun rise over India and Ohio fields
To strengthen the heart of this coward
So in every language, from every hurt
We echo affection back to You, Lord

There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You

I was dead so You became my life
I couldn't see so You became my eyes
I was dead so You became my life
I couldn't see so You became my eyes

There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You
There's nothing like waking up
Waking up to You

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Gone Hiking

One of the flatirons in Boulder!


Yesterday was my day off, so I decided to take advantage and go on a hiking adventure! Of course it was the only day of the week that was predicted to be cold and rainy. Well, Colorado's cold and rainy days are still warmer and sunnier then Michigan's so it ended up being a perfect day for hiking, any warmer and it would have been too hot. I wandered through shops on Pearl Street, grabbed lunch and headed out to Chataqua Park in Boulder. I looked at the brochure and 6 of the trails were easy, 3 were moderate. There was no way I was doing an easy hike, I wanted a work-out and I wanted to climb. I love the satisfaction of being exhausted and reaching a destination with a view! So I chose the hike where I climbed up 1500 feet, actually it was more like I climbed up, then down, and then up again. There was maybe 250 feet of level ground in the 3 mile hike and it took 2 hours even though it was only a mile and a half there and then back. The hike was called The Royal Arch, and after 40 minutes of climbing uphill (a natural stair stepper), I declared moderate is not really that moderate and this royal arch had better be pretty good! Here are a few pics, for those of you that are considering coming out to visit, I will take you on this hike and you will love it! It's challenging, beautiful, secluded and you get a great reward when you get to the top!


At the top!!





The Royal Arch with the Flatirons behind it

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My True North

(I have been using this blog in the past 2 months to talk a lot about my current transition and move to Denver. I am finding now that I am more settled here that while I'm still processing the big change, that my mind and spirit are now free to move beyond it. I am settled in enough to explore life after moving and not necessarily how living here has affected me. So today... my blogging thoughts take me to something besides how life is here in Denver... )

I have traveled to Africa four times in my life and each time I have gone, I have come home a different person. You just cannot go and experience the things I have experienced and be the same person. It changes you. However, because my experiences are so far away and I have always done them alone, or at least come home alone, I find that sometimes unfortunately I forget the lessons I've learned. I get caught up in the busy, materialistic society that we live in and I forget my passions and the realities of the lives that people lead in other countries. So about a year ago, I sat down to start writing out the stories of living in Kenya and South Africa. I wanted to capture the details that are so easy to forget over time and to record the life-changing experiences and relationships as a reminder. I can go back and re-read and remember who I am and why I am the way I am. Is that strange? Today I sat down to add to it, eager to use my creativity and pour it out on the page so that all of those moments are not lost. I feel an urgency to write at times and feel as though there are times when I feel as though God created me to be a writer. Am I daring enough to ever put myself out there to get published? I don't know. I feel that it's scary just talking about it on a blog that only a few people read. I'll take a baby step and share with you one of my stories. It is why I am out here in Colorado:

My True North: Children

All of my life I feel like I have been drawn to young children. That sounds like a broad statement, but when I step back and look at the past 26 years of my life, it seems that consistently over and over again I have been drawn or put into places of ministry or work where children are involved. It’s only recently that I’ve noticed the pattern that I feel is a supernatural pattern and not something I have orchestrated. I love that, when God breaks into your life in such a way that you cannot deny His involvement and you know it has nothing to do with you. It is then that I get excited about being a part of God’s larger plan and know that He is using me for His purposes. Each time I have served in Africa, I have found myself working directly with children, gaining experience and wisdom as I go along. I have no formal training in child development or education, and yet I find that I have learned so much from each experience and child that I have interacted with. I have worked with former street boys, in various orphanages, after-school programs, and in classrooms. When there are children around, I am drawn to them like a magnet.

I have a fear that I make decisions about where I will work, what country I will go to, what school I attend or a variety of other decisions in my life that I will do so out of my own wisdom and desire instead of following God and what He is calling me to. So several times when I am trying to make a decision I have intentionally set aside what I want to do so that I can listen and see if God is calling me to something else. I pursue other options and push open other doors in the off chance that in my humanity I am forcing something that is contrary to God’s leading. I say off chance a bit sarcastically because it is so easy to focus more on our humanity and our desires rather then the spirit’s leading. So many times I think we make decisions maybe because it is the only thing we know, because we don’t allow other people to speak into our lives, because we don’t want to try something new. We make decisions because we are comfortable, or because it’s never occurred to us that maybe God is calling us to something different then our plan. It’s safer and easier to control our lives, and I am so aware of that tendency in my own heart. One of those safe areas for me is children, they are what I know. In some ways I am so much more comfortable doing ministry with children rather then trying to talk to adults, women, or teens.

So when I returned to South Africa in 2007, I was determined to try to do different kinds of ministry. I did prayer ministry, walking the streets and talking with people, praying for them. I tried talking to the women, pursuing relationship with them. This missions trip was a little different for me then others I had been on because there was a lot of freedom in where we were to spend our time. We were free to pursue the ministry that we felt God was calling us to. We visited a “crush”, or a daycare when we were there and I remember trying to not go back there, trying not to be attracted to the children and forcing myself to minister somewhere else. I wanted to go out of my comfort zone and allow the Spirit to work through me in a different way. Day after day, through a variety of circumstances I ended up back at the daycre. Many of our team members chose to spend their time there and I remember one day I wandered into the baby room, there was one South African woman in there and at least six babies. I stayed to help, giving that quiet and patient love that is required of infants who have limited ability to interact with you. As you attend to their physical needs, feed, change, and rock them to sleep, their days are filled with the simple yet incredibly valuable tasks over and over again. They depend on you and I sat in that room, day after day getting to know their little personalities, where they always slept, who their parents were and what made them stop crying. The woman became a good friend as we teamed up to attend the babies’ needs. We talked about life, laughed at the babies, and sat in a comfortable silence. Working with babies is a hard job to do by yourself; it can be very lonely as there is no one to talk to. I know that she appreciated not only the help but also the companionship. I remember sitting in that room and knowing that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. Praise God that he gives us certain passions and desires and then allows us to use them and to glorify Him by using our skills and abilities as well. What a good God He is! On our last day there, the van was there to pick me up along with a few other teammates. They were anxious to leave and I was saying my good-byes, holding onto a little one. A mother came in, and my intuitive spirit immediately sensed a heaviness about her. She sat down, we began to talk for a few minutes and she spilled out her story, how she had just come from the hospital, there were so many things wrong with her health, she was in despair and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She talked about how she could not cope, she could not bear it. She considered not even coming to pick up her little boy today because the burden was just too heavy. Not a moment later I found myself crying with her, and talking to her, encouraging and speaking truth over her life. I prayed with her and to be honest, I look back and do not even remember what I said. The Holy Spirit used me and my mouth to speak over her what she needed to hear and gave me the opportunity to minister to a mother, because of my love for her child. God calls us to these specific areas of ministry and uses our passions, skills and experiences to guide us. We surrender and follow in faith and God will orchestrate the rest. What an incredible adventure to follow a God who has a divine plan and we are servants of the Most High.

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Flip-flops or snow boots?

So spring in Denver is strange because the weather is so unreliable. For instance just last week I was laying out in my backyard in my bathing suit trying to tan my Michigan winter skin and within only a few days, we had a foot of snow on the ground and all the neighborhood kids bundled up, found their sleds they'd only used once the whole winter and skated down the hill next to my house. The two extremes are shocking to me and take a little getting used to. Michigan springs are similar in that we'll have some days that are 50's and warm and then the next day may be 30's and snowy, but this is on a whole different level of up and down and back and forth. I have found that rather then watching the weather channel or trying to predict it, I get up in the morning, walk out my front door and stand on the front stoop waving my arms like a bird to feel the air - can I wear flip-flops or snow boots? Maybe I should bring both in my car just in case. I have found dressing in layers is most effective in the springtime in Denver. I am still getting accustomed, I have found myself sweating hot because I chose too warm of a sweater or freezing cold because I grabbed my fleece instead of my North face down coat. Apparently there is a learning curve.



I went for a walk last night and noticed that the plants are even a little confused as to what season it is. There are various stages of leaves coming out. Some trees are well-worn with wisdom and look as though it is the middle of December, not waiting to bud and bloom until much later in the spring, after all the blizzards have blown through. Others maybe got a little too anxious and have already fully bloomed, only to find that they might have made a mistake and now the leaves are browning a little because of the sharp drops in temperatures. I find that I am so anxious for the green and for all the trees to bloom their beautiful leafy green branches that cast beautiful shifting shadows on the green grass. I long for a lush and rich look out my window rather then the stark, abrasive view of brown branches. I want to go to sleep and just hibernate through this stage: the transition stage. I want to rush it and just get to the good stuff. I am ready to pack away the coats, boots and scarves and enjoy a daily warmth. I want to open my windows at night and shed the layers like a butterfly.



Similarly I am in this transition stage as I adjust to living so far away from family, friends, and all the comfort and known that home holds back in Michigan. The weather very much reflects my experience here. There are times that I feel so at home, warm and fully bloomed and then the clouds roll in and down falls snow and I am so chilled and ache for home. It can happen so quickly and there's no predicting it. There are times when I am spending time with good friends here that I feel as though this is home and I've been here for much longer then just a month. And then an hour later I will be driving home and will be hit like a snowstorm with the realities that it takes time to put down roots. I am tempted to curl up in my bed and just push through this transition stage, but in order to enjoy the the sunshine that summer will hold, I need to do the hard work of putting myself out there, meeting new people, and making small talk that will hopefully lead to deep and sincere friendships at some point. You can't go from winter to summer, I have to walk through the sometimes dull and drab springtime that has the promise and potential of summer. There are days that feel like it is here but I find that my moments of transition reflect the ups and downs of the weather here in springtime in Denver.

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