Addison.

My sweet niece Addie was in town to visit this past weekend. She is getting SO big, is almost 2 1/2 and is talking like a 13 year old girl! :) She learns new words everyday and mimics everything you say, my language had to be G-rated for fear I would teach her "crap" or "dang". What hideous words to come out of her sweet, innocent mouth. She is a ham, she cracks me up, does the funniest thing and I shall use my blog to share her silliness.

She has a "credit card" (I think it's an old health insurance card) that she uses, she looks at the back of it intently and says "eight-forty" and then swipes it through the carpet. Where she heard the number we have no idea, but it is the cost of everything she purchases.

I was on the phone in the other room, she came in and found me, dragging me by the hand. She instructed me to lay down on the living room floor, handed me her blankie and stuffed her pacifier in my mouth - trying to put me to bed. I think she will make a wonderful mother someday. :)

I was making cookies with her on Friday while everyone else was napping, she sat down on the floor and asked for a bowl. I gave her one and asked her what she wanted in the bowl? "Candy" she says in the most serious, sweetest voice. I caved... sorry Rachel, it's why she now loves marshmellows. :)

I was lounging on the chair on our back deck while dad was grilling. She noticed the watermelon, grabbed one off the plate and started chowing down. Maybe she felt guilty for not sharing, but instead of politely asking, she just walked up and pushed watermelon into my face, dripping red juice all over. Thanks for sharing Addison. :)

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An Airplane story.

Dedicated to my "listening" friend: Christina

I slide into my seat next the window on the airplane, a mom-aged woman is sitting next to me and she makes the casual small talk that I feel is much needed on an airplane; it's awkward to sit so close to someone for 2 hours and never say hello. She asks if I'm from Denver or flying home. I was rendered speechless for a moment, not knowing how to answer that... Denver is my new home. Holland is my childhood home. "Well I just moved out to Denver six months ago and I am flying home to Michigan to visit my family and friends, so I am flying from home to home." I would consider both home. And not just because I lived (or do live) in both places, there are many places I have lived and would not consider home, maybe not even when I lived in them. Someone quoted to me the well-known quote "Home is where the heart is." So running with that logic, I have four homes, because my heart is sliced into four pieces, although not necessarily equal. I feel if I start to describe the size of my heart you might get grossed out and the analogy might lose it's meaning... SO I have four homes: 1) Holland, MI 2) Grace Adventures 3) Kenya 4) Denver, CO. All of them having very different yet significant meanings to them as to why they are my home and why I have left a piece of my heart in each of them, but whenever I am in my car or on a plane, heading towards one of these destinations, my heart beats quickly with excitement of the opportunity to reconnect with people that mean the world to me, to do the things that I feel I was born to do there, and to have that relaxed peaceful feeling that comes from being home.

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Poem.

Yesterday was such a perfect day it should have been a poem. I could translate it into poetry here on this blog, but I am not a poet and I fear I would not do the day justice. I have no pictures of the day, only special memories I have put away to pull out again later when I am aching for camp again once I get back up to Denver.

There are very few people that can understand my affinity for this place, even I struggle with understanding why it has such a calming effect on me. Grace Adventures in all it's glory filled with simple cabins, huge billowy trees, thousands of stars, people everywhere, big barns filled with hay and tools, horses neighing, and familiar faces.

My special memories:

falling asleep to the sound of crickets and the wind.
waking up to sun shining and a peaceful morning beckoning me to come join it.
recalling all of the horses names as I browse the herd, petting and talking to each one.
staring up at the stars and counting the shooting stars, reminiscing of the summer past.
saddling up in anticipation of the ride.
listening to the horses frisk around on the island, the pounding of their hooves like thunder.
familiar blue herons soaring through the sky.
cantering through the woods, feeling my spirit release and smiling from the inside out.
sitting in kayaks, just floating on the water peacefully in silence with a good friend.
clapping games with Caitlin.
Cale's sweet hugs.
sharing life stories and memories and hearing about the future and the changes.
holding new babies. learning of new ones to come.
hugs good-bye, perfect day.

(is that a poem?)

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Homesick.

I'm blogging in the midst of the storm. Awhile back I wrote a blog entry about how impossible it is for me to process and write in the midst of the craziness, however I was inspired as I sat down to catch up on a few blogs I follow, specifically my friend Bekah's to write as she does. I often find it exhausting, but want to give it a shot, writing about life while living life. :)

Actually... I don't know if I can do this. I don't know where to start.

... I'm going home next week to Michigan and it's all I can think about, it's all I look forward to. My friend Robyn at work was mocking me a little about being homesick, and I laughed because I'm not really homesick... and then I thought - maybe I am. I long for security and comfort, people that know and love me. I suppose that's what it is to be homesick. I commented that right now, with all the change, transition and unknown in my life, my desire for home is amplifed because of my current circumstances.

Which are: I am still waiting and interviewing for 2 jobs that I want... waiting... waiting... waiting. It is the hinge of my life because once I know where I'll work and how much I'll get paid, I can decide where I want to live and how much I can afford. And so, I leave for Michigan in 7 days, and when I come back to Denver, I'll have a new place to live that I don't know where that is yet and a new place to work, I don't know where that is either. It's laughable really. I don't really stress about it anymore because it's so ridiculous, it's funny. I am open to the idea that I would probably be mocked by people who plan their lives and depend on themselves to do so. My life is in God's hands, not my own.

I am going through this strange and hard season while sleeping on the floor, having virtually no space to myself, working 60 hours this week and supporting people in my life who I love dearly and are going through some major pain and hardships. My heart hurts and I carry that heavy burden with them as they trudge through life trying to figure out what it looks like to trust God in the midst of the unknown and immense pain and grief.

All I can say, and I type this with tears in my eyes is that I cannot wait to get home and hug my mom and dad. I cannot wait to just hang with my sister and store up memories with my niece. I cannot wait to have movie and ice-cream night with my sister-in-law and eat lunch with my mom. I cannot wait to play scrabble and drink wine with my dad and sit at J.P.'s drinking a Snickers coffee chatting and running into people I know. I cannot wait to visit with my dear friends at camp and saddle up a horse and go running through the woods on Kade's back. I cannot wait to throw on my bathing suit and flip-flops and drive over to the state park to take a nap on the beach, and stop for a Kiss the Captain at Captain's Sundae - a longstanding tradition in my family. I suppose this last paragraph proves that I indeed am very homesick.

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Live Deep.

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable."

- Kathleen Kelly in You've Got Mail

This is the kind of life I want to lead... small, but valuable. I don't have aspirations to conquer the career world and climb the corporate ladder. While I love to travel and want to see the world, I don't want to do so at the cost of losing my friends, being a part of my families lives and having community and roots. In order to have those things, I need to stay in one place and travel occasionally. It does not mean I want to be safe, or comfortable. I want to step out of the box, and be generous, and passionate and loving. I want to make do big things, like run the Chicago Marathon and climb Longs Peak; I want to play hard and allow for spontaneity. I have been so spread out and it's been a blessing, but I want to gather all these pieces of my life under one roof, and live deep here.

Yeah.

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