Busy.

(Disclaimer: this blog entry is not my typical life "aha" beautiful moment... but more a diatribe about my chaotic life)

I'm trying to remember what it's like to be busy. My life feels like college, but worse because now I have real life on top of grad school. How am I supposed to be a student when I am almost the only person in my sphere of people that has to study? It feels awkward to close my door and to turn people down because I need to read, and write papers. Really?? I am so used to being so social, to having extra time on my hands to go for walks and get to bed early. To stalk people on facebook and cook an extravagant dinner. My life is so packed full and I don't know what I can carve out but this is getting ridiculous. I wish that I could go back to the college days when only 5 hours of sleep at night was enough, but with my marathon training and running 30+ miles a week... my body needs sleep, lots of sleep. Plus, I'm working everyday where mentally and physically I need to be engaged, there's no floating anywhere in my life. I am living with a busy family of 6 and I absorb their busyness as well, trying to find moments to bless them because they're letting me live in their basement, but if I had the money, I'd almost rather write a check for rent every month so I can leave my kitchen a mess and come home to no one so i can be grumpy at the end of the day. That's so horrible! And it's not true, but I'm just plain exhausted. And I keep waiting for life to lighten up and I have a feeling it's not going to be for a year.

I feel as though I could have more to say, but my pillow is calling my name and I can barely keep my eyes open and I have to get up tomorrow morning at 5:15 to try and squish in my run before work so that I can do 5 million other things after. I have no poetic ending except a tired... good night.

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