On hold.

Friday morning I woke up with a scratchy throat, slight head-ache and a little congestion in my chest... I'll sleep it off I thought, I refuse to get sick. My mind said one thing and my body did something completely different. Not only did I get one nasty cold, but in the middle of it, I caught the stomach flu. I was torn between ibprofun, nyquil, and pepto... it was infuriating, I had a pounding head-ache and was feverish, but couldn't hold anything down, so taking aspirin was out of the question. Time became something strange and I went into survival mode as the most important thing I could think about at any given moment was: SLEEP. All I wanted to do was sleep, away from pain, away from puking, away from movement... just sleep. I went to bed on Friday night at about 7:30 and did not get out until Sunday morning except throw up, use the bathroom, and make a necessary but very painful drive to the grocery store to get meds and movies. I ventured out of my cave on Sunday - trying to convince myself that I was feeling better, went to church and only made it through a few hours of work, before coming back and going to bed at 5:30 on Sunday night. I dragged myself through work on Monday, got off early and went to bed again at 5:30 on Monday night. I literally had zero energy to get my mail, pay bills, cook, grocery shop, do laundry, send e-mails... my life was on complete hold for 5 days straight. So strange.

This morning I woke to a clear head and energy and it wasn't until I got my energy back that I realized how sick I really was. It's strange and lonely to be sick as an adult... I always miss my mom when I'm sick. This is not an insightful post by any means I am realizing as I am typing, but more of a need to just put it out there - the misery of the past 4 days.... and finally coming out on the other side of it.

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Sparkles on my face.

I was looking at myself in the mirror after work today and noticed glitter sparkling above my eyebrow. I love the sparkles on my face. I love working with kids everyday. I love being greeted cheerfully "Hi Miss Kate!" when I walk into the room. A few years ago I was working in the nursery at Crossroads and there was a little girl that was crying inconsolably. We tried everything, to no avail. A mother came in to drop off her little boy, he scampered away apparently either over or hadn't reached yet the seperation anxiety stage yet. She bent down to the crying girl and held out her arms saying simply, "do you just need a hug?" To be honest, after listening to her scream, I was not feeling the whole hug thing - but that was exactly what that girl needed, some comfort and love. Sure enough, a few minutes later she was off playing with friends. I have remembered that lesson taught by a wise mom and at my school, when I walk into the room, they look up from what they are doing, waiting expectantly me to come over and give them each a hug, to smile and make a funny face, to rustle their hair or kiss them on the top of the head. I love how their favorite place is sitting in my lap and I literally have to peel them off of me. I love when they lay their head down on my shoulder and just rest there, needing a break from the constant play and noise of the room. I love their questions and when they run up to me, jumping into my arms and completely trusting me that I'll catch them. I love the adoration in their eyes - it goes both ways. I adore little Nico and his pudgy little body. I adore Ryan and his sweet face and constant need to share his thoughts even though I can't understand half of what he is saying. I love Cole's pride on his face as I clapped for him when he put the last piece in the puzzle. I love Tommy how he leans into me when I sit next to him. I love Jacob's precious smile and hilarious sense of humor that never ceases to crack me up. I miss them when I'm gone and can't wait to see them tomorrow. I love having sparkles on my face.

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78 degrees in November

I moved to Denver 8 months and 2 days ago. Sometimes I still feel like it was just yesterday, other days it feels as though I've been here for years. I am slowly acclimating myself that this is my home, and even though I've been here almost a year... it is still strange to me that I live here in this strange city, with this strange weather. I breathe in Denver as I drive home on my commute each day, adjusting to the idea of this being home. It is difficult because I have no previous years of experience to draw from as we head into the winter season now. I have no grid for seeing the people and culture of Denver. This is a difficult concept to explain in a blog, but saying that there is no grid is the only way I can explain it. It just feels foreign, scary, new and adventurous every day. Probably because I think about things too much. ;)

It was summer like a second ago and now it's winter. (I mean not today, because it's a fluke of a day when it's 78 in November), but it's winter. It's brown out and the leaves have fallen from the trees. There is no green or lushness in the parks or as I drive home. I am greeted with the stark trees of winter and the chill in the morning speaks of colder mornings to come that will require slippers, hot coffee, hats, gloves and big down coats in order to survive. :) When did this happen?? It's as if one day my life was sitting by the pool, sunning, running, walking, windows open, sweaty hot, tank tops to everything winter. What happened?? The transition was too fast or perhaps I just missed it in the midst of my busyness. Winter came too early this year, I am not ready for it.

City vs. country:

I have often pondered whether I am a city or a country girl... after growing up in the suberbs of western Michigan, spending a year and a half in the cornfields of Indiana, moving to the 2nd biggest city in Michigan, living at the ranch in a small town and then moving to Denver... I have gone back and forth. Maybe I'm just adaptable and so I do okay in either atmosphere, but after living at camp and in Africa as well, where life is slow and offers much down time, I've decided my personality leans towards the country. And now after living in the busy city of Denver, it is confirmed. As much as I think that this is where I am supposed to be at this time in my life... I don't want to live here forever. The city is so busy and in some ways I feel like I haven't stopped running since I moved here. The city offers no place and time for a soul like mine that requires ample time for reflection and processing. God created me to be someone who carries a journal as her companion as well as a good fiction novel to lose myself in when my days allow. God created me to be someone who needs an hour or two in the morning to prepare, pray and get ready for the day, and then some time at night to unwind. I am most myself when I am outdoors... listening and just being still. Even now as I sit outside at a coffee shop, in the dark, my heart is peaceful and rested. I am a country girl... it is confirmed.

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