An Open-ended Circle.

"So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?" - from the movie You've Got Mail

I start with this quote because so much of my life and blogging thoughts have been in direct reference to what I'm currently reading. It surprises me sometimes how much my life is influenced by what I read. This entry is no different, I just read the last page of Three Weeks with My Brother by Nicholas Sparks - an author mostly famous for his fiction novels which have then consequently been made into movies including The Notebook, The Guardian, Nights in Rodanthe, Message in a Bottle and A Walk to Remember. This particular book came recommended by my mom and is unlike any of his others; it is a sort of biography of his life, intertwined with a trip he took with his brother to places all over the world. As I read about his childhood, his parents, relationship with his siblings, it has caused me also to reflect back on my growing up years and how the people in my life have influenced who I am. The book has also done an incredible thing, it has stirred up in me a hope that maybe I will become a writer someday. Nick started off just like all of us in life, and never really aspired to become a writer... he went through many hardships including (spoiler alert) losing his mom first, his dad 7 years later in a car accident and then his sister to a brain tumor. His son was born with a mental retardation that has never been officially diagnosed and he struggled all his life financially, until of course he sold The Notebook for one million dollars. :) I don't aspire to be very wealthy or to have my books made into movies... but just his life story has given me a glimmer of hope that I could ever write something that could be published and sold. More important then that though, I read and absorbed and feel also that his average story is really an exceptional story and not just because he is famous now. In fact most of his book has nothing to do with his writing or career but more to do with his family, marriage and then his kids and how he dealt with the cards dealt him in life. It empowered me as well, to realize that my story, as average as it is, is important and valuable and probably not a bestseller, but is worthy enough to be written down. I think that God spoke to me in my language - that of a story - to teach me that. It's not just a self-realization that I'm important just because I'm a human, but I am valuable, my story is important because of what God has done in it. He has blessed me and I have struggled and overcome and pushed and laughed and cried and it's all intertwined with my families lives, people who are incredibly important to me. And so I ask the question - why am I the way I am? How have my parents and siblings, circumstances and surroundings made me to be who I am? I reflect not to waste time thinking and analyzing too much... although that is my tendency... but because the answers to these questions dictate how I will make my decisions today and also when I can answer that question of who I am and what I value, I can then ask who do I want to be and why? I think the latter is a more important inquiry. There are times when I blog and finish the circle nicely, I close up the thought so it's perfectly round and beautiful. Today... my thoughts are continuing to race through my brain... but I'm done writing for now... so I'll just leave the circle open-ended.