Homesick?

Home: The place where something is discovered, founded, developed, or promoted; a source.

Home: An environment offering security and happiness.

Home: A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.

Home: The place, such as a country or town, where one was born or has lived for a long period.

Home, it has so many definitions and connotations. It can get so confusing when referring to home, is it the place where you currently reside? Is it the place where you were born? Or maybe the place you have lived the longest? Is it where your parents live or is it your childhood home? In some ways I think the answer is yes to all of them, but I also am hesitant to use the word home for so many places for fear of losing the value of home. It's similar to how the word "love" in my opinion is overused, I cautiously declare that home means all of these things, because I think that home is one of those subjective terms, it is different for each person. That was a postmodern sentence, but I think it's true. What does home mean to you?

My mom asked me this morning if I was homesick at all. How can I be homesick, when I feel like I am home? When I drove back from the airport in February to Holland, MI after coming out to visit Denver, my heart literally felt as though I was driving the wrong direction and I was tempted to turn around and head west. I even remember telling my mom to just send my stuff out here so I didn't have to return to get it. There's a peace here that is deep and real and not just an emotion. It allows me to be who I am exactly where I am.

Journal Entry:
"The first few days here felt so foreign and overwhelming. I did not fit and it felt awkward. I am discovering as time goes on, that I can be true to who I am in the midst of the foreign and I find myself settling my spirit, making my own space in Denver. Now instead of the unknown being intimidating and threatening, it bolsters my confidence and gives me a pencil to draw out the lines and structures of who I am. I am challenged to define who I am each day as I make decisions. I feel free to make changes to those lines from who I've been in the past because there is no precedent, no well-worn path that you inevitably walk because it makes the most sense and it's the easiest. It's a beautiful, scary, adventurous thing, and I love it."

No, mom, I'm not homesick.

I'm home.