Lonely Front Porches.

I have been running in my neighborhood a lot, on these perfect, still, peaceful evenings. The wind dies down and the sun slants perfectly through the trees as if it is posing for a picture. The air smells fresh of lilacs and green grass and I wonder, where are all the people? It is evening, when most should be home from work, finished with dinner and I wonder what is with the phenomenon of empty front porches? What a perfect spot to grab a cup of coffee and sit with your husband or wife and talk about your day? Or grab a book or Bible and just enjoy the peace and quiet? It's the perfect spot to catch up with you best friend on the phone, or simply catch a quick cat nap on a hammock in the yard. It amazes me that while I run 3-4 miles around my neighborhood, it's not that only a few are out, it's that NO ONE is out on their front porch. They have this beautiful furniture, glorious flowers and landscaping in their yards, and yet what is it all for? I am close to sitting on each of their front porches, because they are lonely and are crying out for attention. They want to be enjoyed and relaxed in. If you have a front porch, GO... sit... people watch... bring a blanket... and your journal and a cup of tea or a glass of wine. Enjoy life. If I had a front porch, I would be out on it every night, and you are maybe thinking that life gets busy... I am well aware of busy, but in the past few years I have realized the importance of claiming those moments when you can choose to do or to be. I have been choosing to be a lot lately, it is so necessary for my emotional and mental sanity, and spiritual health. It calms my spirit and I center myself when I sit outside, lay down in the park and read a book, or take a long walk with a cup of coffee. I am sad for all the lonely front porches, and for the people who live in them who are so busy doing, they don't have time to be.

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Stealing lilacs.

I want to live in a flowering tree. I want to pack up my life, clothes, books, food, and just move in. I could bring a pillow and lean up against the trunk. I could charge my phone at work, park on the street, it'd be rent-free! Yesterday I took a walk/jog (my first time since my foot injury two weeks ago!! Very exciting!), and as I ran around Cheeseman Park, I passed several flowering trees, consumed with that fresh amazing smell they cannot reproduce in a candle no matter how hard they try, it made me want to follow the scent like a dog does the smell of red meat! Or a shark and blood. Or a kid and candy. Or a woman and chocolate. Like a cartoon character, I wanted my nose to lead the way... to just lay down underneath and fall asleep. Today I was at my favorite coffee shop, enjoying a relaxing Saturday morning (not in class) and I went to grab something from my car. I passed a genius, ableit slightly strange woman who lay on a bench with a lilac flower laying under her nose. I think she and I will be neighbors in our flowering trees, I hope she'll lend me a cup of sugar when I need it. She is my soul mate, which is kind of scary, but I genuinely laughed, because if I had that much gall to lay on a public bench with a large purple flower laying on my face, I would. Maybe I will. I also constantly have the urge to take a pair of scissors in my hoodie pocket on my next walk, with a large, subtle bag to collect flower branches from other people's trees, collect them all in a vase and put them by my bed. I want to steal! On a regular basis, I want to steal people's flowers. I want to break one of the 10 commandments so I can enjoy God's creation, does that make it okay? Hmmm... I don't think so. I haven't done it yet, maybe I'll wait for the cloak of darkness tonight...

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I am a jungle gym.

I work with 12-24 month old children, and for those of you who are unsure of where that falls in the developmental process... my youngest are still crawling and drinking a bottle, my oldest can tell you their colors, walk, talk, and is just entering into the notorious "terrible 2's" phase. I must blog about my job because there are things that no one knows because none of my kids can talk. They are all under 18 months, so they say "no", "mine" and "hi" really well, that's about it. I also have only 5 children, which according to state guidelines for staff-child ratios means I don't need someone else in the room. Ha! If they only knew what went on, they might change their minds. 8 straight hours with 5 toddling one year olds would make anyone go a little crazy! I have started to talk, constantly. I talk, talk, talk. Some of it makes sense, most of it doesn't... the kids are finding their voices and love to make noises. Coopers latest is doing the indian thing yelling and covering and uncovering his mouth quickly. I mimic it and he laughs. Riley chatters really fast nonsensically, I mimic that too. It's a challenge to describe in the blog, sounds and noises, but this is what consumes so much of my day!

They crawl all over me all the time, play with my hair, zip up my zippers, and dig in my pockets. I have gotten to that point that I will hardly notice them until they start to hurt me, digging those tiny toes into my thigh or pinching under my arms while using me as an aid to stand. Sometimes I'll be sitting there enjoying some much-needed adult conversation with the person that stumbled into my room (not expecting to stay longer then 30 seconds "how was your weekend?" I ask anxiously... intellectual stimulation... desperate!) and I'll look down and not even realize that Zoe has been on my lap for a few minutes, where did she come from?? I am constantly clapping and "yahhing" when they do the simplest thing, like throwing away their paper towel, putting a block in the bucket or putting their cup on the counter. It's a big deal!! I want them to do it again, so I praise them unnecessarily making it into this HUGE deal!

Now, yesterday (I hope Cooper's mom never reads my blogs), but I'm pretty sure Cooper took his first steps with me!! I'm not even kidding you. We're not allowed to tell the parents when they do big milestones because we like them to enjoy it later that weekend, sometimes weeks later, when they're at home, playing with them on the floor and they start walking like 15 steps - they always think their child is a prodigy when in reality he's been practicing for weeks at school. So, I've been standing Cooper up and backing up a few scootches, holding out my arms, waiting for him to take that first step. Everyday, he just laughs and falls forward, not quite at that point when he's ready. And yesterday, he took 2 steps! Then 5 more, and he was really walking!! Wow. What a privilege to see a child walk for the first time, so fun to be the one to freak out and make it this huge deal!

I love my job, because I love kids. I struggle with the management, most of the people I work with - but the kids, they are my sun! Love you Cooper, Zoe, Riley, Olivia and Adreanne! I have so many more stories, but I'll stop myself.

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The Theology of Saturday.

This morning as I was driving to Wash Park to go for a nice, long run I was listening to K-love, a Christian radio station. They had Max Lucado in the studio this past week, apparently an "Easter expert" and they replayed a part of it this morning. Divine timing because it really got me thinking about the silent day between Good Friday and celebratory Easter morning: Saturday. He commented (appropriately on Saturday) that this day is one that was filled with worry, fear and confusion by so many people, especially the disciples. I cannot even imagine how they must have felt after spending years following Him, being discipled by Him, and then... He's gone. They must have felt so lost, wondering what their purpose is now in life and what they are supposed to do. I am sure they were sorting through the emotions of grief and loss, guilt and confusion. After all, they really did not understand why Jesus had to die, why did He not save Himself?? They all responded in different way, Judas with betrayal, Peter with denial, and the others by running away and falling asleep during Jesus' time of greatest need. Max Lucado applies this to our lives and talks about the theology of Saturday. How many of us are living in a season of Saturdays, inbetween the intiation of pain and the solution of pain. We are waiting for Sunday, the day when God will make sense of the confusion, when He will comfort our pain and give our lives purpose again. I feel like this is somewhat of a vague metaphor in that it can be applied generally and specifically. In some ways, I think that living on earth is just one big long Saturday, but also I think there are specific seasons in our lives when we are waiting for the solution of our pain and that it does happen here on earth, eventually.

The other way that Max (can I call you Max? I feel like you're my friend) applies this to our lives... he talks about how Jesus also walked through this day with us, this Saturday. He walked through the pain and confusion, He knows... He understands. Those four words are just incredible aren't they? He knows, he understands. I just finished up with a Beth Moore study where one of the greatest lessons I learned was in response to my needs and wants that "God is". And in the Bible, God is described as "I Am"... a simple, yet profound way of describing who God is. It's like trying to describe God with a paragraph full of adjectives is simply a waste of time and gets you nowwhere, instead it's in the simple and powerful statements that the deepest truths are understood, spoken straight to our souls. I am just astounded that Jesus understands and He knows. It brings me to tears here in Dazbog cafe because it is so important and emotional to be understood and to be known, just in general none-the-less by the creator of the universe. Wow. It's amazing how the truthes of Easter impact me differently every year. I am so excited to head to church tomorrow and dance and celebrate that HE IS ALIVE! and HE IS RISEN! and all the other purple phrases splattered across the bulletins in churches across America. Praise Him and Happy Easter friends.

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It's not open for interpretation.

I was browsing in Barne's and Noble the other day and came upon this Easter display... it was interesting to see B & N's interpretation of this holiday. To be honest, I was offended because I'm somewhat protective of Easter. Christmas I feel is a lost cause... so much has been transformed to be about everything except Christ's birth, but Easter is so dear to me. It is the celebration of Christ's death and resurrection and while these things couldn't have happened without his birth, his death on the cross and rising from the grave are the very foundation of my salvation. And my salvation is at the core and essence of who I am. And it irritates me when Barnes and Noble attempts to use it as propoganda. The picture doesn't display it, but around the table includes these authors, some Biblical writers, others... not so much:
Tim LaHaye
St. Augustine
C.S. Lewis
Lee Strobel
N.T. Wright
Brian McLaren
Anne LaMott
Dallas Willard
Richard Foster
Brennan Manning
Chicken Soup
Mother Theresa
(not one single Bible)

They are all over the board from conservative to liberal, from ancient to current. They wanted to make sure to appease each person's spiritual appetite, and most of the books had nothing to do with Easter, they were simply just Christian books. And what's missing is the MOST important book... God's Word. My favorite is that when you buy two items, you can receive a special Easter tote for only $4.95! An Easter tote, so that on Easter day you can carry your special spiritual Easter books in your Easter tote. Really?? Jesus dies on the cross for our sins and we make totes and try and sell irrelevant and not even Biblical books?? Really? My heart aches that people have lost or have never found what Easter means. It does not mean Easter bunnies, or eggs hunts, or pretty white hats and pastel dresses. It is the blood of Christ shed for you and me. This is not open for interpretation. This is not to be dressed up or exchanged for materialism and trends. This cross, this life, this death, this resurrection is the living example of God's deep, real love and grace. Can we put that on a poster on Barnes and Noble? Or maybe on a pink tote?

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Laughter.

I have been attending a church called Denver United now for about 5 months, and I love it. It's challenging and real and Biblical, and... it's funny. I know that sounds like a strange thing to say about a church and at first I didn't know how I felt about it. They value laughter, although I'm sure that laughter is not in their top ten list of values like worship and prayer. However, Rob Brendle, our senior pastor cracks me up! Repeatedly he will say a bit facetiously, "Come on now, we're in church! Stop smiling and laughing. We're supposed to be serious." Most of the time this comment follows a random tangent about Star Wars or an embarrassing experience of his childhood, or last week. The other thing that makes me laugh hysterically is Andrew "the Schmidt" who does our weekly video announcements. He goes all over Denver, taping some awkward, informative and funny announcements of what is coming up at DU. I always say it's my favorite part of church, which is probably not really true, but it is sometimes. Laughter has a way of making people feel comfortable, if you're ever at some kind of show and the performer makes you laugh, you immedietly kind of settle in. You now have something in common with the rest of the crowd and it creates a unique experience. At Denver United, it has the same effect, it unifies us as a body, as a family, as friends, as people who may have never met but now we have two things in common, we love the Lord, and we are all laughing at some inside joke that Pastor Rob shared. It binds us together and makes us feel comfortable and it's a very spiritual experience. Laughter is so spiritual I am convinced and I think to be honest it's such an important part of my Sundays now: laughing, worshipping, singing, praying, receiving the Word in my heart and being challenged in my walk.

If you would like a good laugh, here is the link to all the previous video announcements from the famous Andrew "the Schmidt"... enjoy the laughter!

(just click on video ---> video announcments)

www.denverunited.com/multimedia I recommend the most recent one 2/28!

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My Life Today in a Blog Post.

Today I am...

- incredibly sad that tomorrow will be Nico's last day in my class. I get the daily privilege of hearing every word that comes out of his mouth for 8 hours, he is intelligent and hilarious for a 2 year old and I will miss him dearly.

- tired and exhausted from my weekly 5k run, but excited about meeting new people and great conversation over beer at the Snug.

- obsessed with Alex Lambert, he's the boy with the mullet on Idol and I just finished listening to his Tuesday night performace, which I DVRed, 4 times. I'm pretty sure that means I'm obsessed.

- planning on baking scotcheroos this weekend

- irritated that my house is a mess and so wish I could snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have it be clean!

heading to bed...

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