Heavy Moments

If you know me at all, I am an emotional, passionate person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. God has created me with a sensitive heart, which I consider to be a simultaneous curse and blessing. My question in life has always been, how do I honor God with who I am? My emotions I know come from God, they are not wrong, Jesus had emotions while He was on earth. And yet, how do I respond to my emotions, how do I acknowledge them, but not let them control me? It is a life-long journey of which I feel that I am always learning more and more of how to be who God created me to be, and yet not allow myself to get so caught up in circumstances, emotions and relationships that I forget my ultimate purpose on earth. Sound exhausting? Story of my life. :)

One lesson I have learned is that when there is an all consuming emotion, just under the surface, instead of denying it, or pushing it down and stuffing it - usually only to explode later with all the other ones I feared to acknowledge - I simply walk through it. I allow myself to walk into that room of emotion, and take a seat. Sometimes that means crying, sometimes it means just being quiet. It's just allowing myself to feel it, and to be who I am. I need to walk into those moments so that I can sit for a little while and then I can get up, and walk out of the room. It's healthy and feels right, but it is so difficult sometimes, because it is usually painful. My heart just aches, and yet it is right. A strange life I lead, but this metaphor helps me. And it is the advice that I give to people as well, especially those that live that deep, emotional, passionate life like myself. When you are going through something, big or small, I think it so important, as hard as it is, to walk through those heavy moments. They get lighter and lighter with time I have noticed, thankfully.

I had one of those moments, after a good friend of mine left Denver, he moved away and the empty feeling in my heart was there. I sat in the passenger seat of the car, and I had a choice to make, I could pretend like it doesn't hurt and push past it, or I could walk into that dang room, and sit for awhile. I chose to walk in and feel it, just feel it... like you would take in a beautiful scene from the top of a mountain, or stop and smell that clean, humid smell after it rains. I breathed, and cried... and then I walked out of the room....

Those are my thoughts for today... that is where I am at... I am in the midst of transition, change and emotion and so I'm walking through heavy moments.