Jesus wept.

When God is trying to teach me something, he always repeats it over and over again until I say, "all right, all right I got it." :) He speaks to me through people, His Word, music, blogs, e-mails, phone calls, billboards, whatever he can use to get my attention. This week I have been learning about grieving and sadness. How do we handle these things in our lives? How am I to handle these things? How do I glorify God through times of loss and sadness in my life? Through trials and suffering? God brought me to Lazurus' death multiple times this week, and what did Jesus do? Jesus wept.

Each day for me is a daily walk of faith. I don't get to go to church on Sunday, fill my week with busy activities and then be rejuvenated again as I have done in the past. Every morning I wake up and it is either a day where I walk in faith or I walk in worry, anxiety and fear. I am job searching, single, and living with my parents. That's hard for me to write even in this blog that I am pretty sure no one reads. Because there is the world that tells me that I am not successful or valuable because of where I'm at in life. The world is trying to lie to me constantly and Satan uses my emotions to pull me into a pit of lies. Until I grab onto that ladder of truth, and slowly through prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit can I climb up and out and stand back on the solid rock of Truth. I have lost someone important to me, and I am sad. And so while I walk a walk of faith, right next to that tire track of faith is the tire track of pain and loss - running parallel to each other like the tire tracks of a car left on a dirt road. I read a blog this week by a woman I deeply respect. I am going to steal some of her thoughts because they hit me profoundly and reiterate my two-track theology:

"As a child I learned that the shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35 “Jesus wept.” Simple as it is, it holds immense meaning for those of us in pain and those of us who love those who are in pain. You see, at the opening of the story, Jesus knows full well that Lazarus will die and also knows Lazarus will be restored to life. He sees the end of the matter, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s son may be glorified through it.” And still, when faced with the sister’s grief and tears, Jesus was moved… and he wept. We are uncomfortable with grief. I think we say things like “God will use this” or other such sentiments because we want to move the hurting out of the emotions of pain that are so difficult for us to sit with. We want to point to the silver lining and see the good that will be; so much, that we rush off to it. Jesus didn’t do that. He wept. He knew that in a matter of minutes Lazarus would come out of the grave when he called. He knew Martha and Mary would have their brother back. And still he wept." - Kate McDonald

And tonight, as I was driving on icy roads, I listened to a song sung by Kate's counterpart, Shawn McDonald. The song is called Time and the lyrics are from the verses in Ecclesiastes that takes about how there is a time for mourning and a time for joy.

Okay, okay God I get it. I will embrace the season I am in; not throw myself a pity party or throw myself down in hopelessness and emotion. No, but I will embrace the season I am in, I will embrace the pain and I will trust Him through it.