Think BIG

I just finished this book by one of my new favorite authors Kristin Hannah called A Distant Shore (actually it was the third in a succession of Kristin Hannah novels I've been diving my nose into lately). The book was about a 45 year old woman who had gotten married young, had two children and somewhere in the midst of it all lost her ambition, indepedence and creativity. She used to love to paint and when her children were gone to college, she realized she had lost her ability to dream, to wonder, to create. I love the book because it doesn't just spend a chapter on it, the tension and conflict, she takes a painting class, and BAM her life is different. That's what movies do... but this author spent almost the entire novel as the character struggled back and forth on what that looks like to remember who she used to be before life stole her creativity, she tries and fails, and tries again. She comes to the conclusion that she allowed it to happen, she didn't fight for it. I think of my cousin, Ali who lives in South Africa and lives this huge version of her life and dream and she is the constant standard for me to live up to. She is the inspiration that drives me to write when it takes a little while to sluff off the daily details of life that seem important but when you step back, and look they are not at all. She is the one that calls to me to walk around my neighborhood, to head to the coffee shop on Saturday morning rather then sleeping in so I can sit and enjoy the sunshine on my back and the lazy energy of a coffee shop on an early Saturday morning. She is the one that inspires me to create, to write, to draw, to paint, to make things beautiful because the world needs it. Her existence halfway across the world, her passion and consistency to live and to create and live out her values... I keep coming back to the word inspire which sounds cheesy and Hallmarky but I've got nothing else. All that to say, I am determined at 27 to not find myself 20 years down the road angry that while I was doing the daily things in life, I forgot and lost the creativity and indepedent spirit that I am. My parents got me a book for dreamers to decide where they want to be in 5 years. And a few months ago, I had decided to make a list of 30 things I want to do before I'm 30. Not so I have a to do list, but to serve as reminders to not get caught up in grocery shopping, working, paying bills, and washing the dishes that I forget to buy flowers, to read, to go for a walk, to write and to do those things that are really LIVING. :) In the 5 years book I wrote this a few months ago in response to the question "What would you do if you knew you would not fail?"

"If I knew I would succeed, I would write a book. Not fiction, but something real and beautiful; sharing about life lessons, using my life - challenging others to think about things and change their life and understand God. I want to write to create something, to impact people, to be used by God in a forum of readers. I want to fulfill this part of me - this desire to write, to write something and complete it - and then share it. I want it to be unorthodox, and totally me and God-glorifying. I want it to be relatable, but spiritual, deep but readable. If I could succeed at anything I'd write a book."

I want to just "publish" this publicly to the 2 people that read my blog... so that it's just there. I don't know if I ever will write or try to get published, but it seems like a big step to even just write it.

I am in constant need of a reminder to Live fully and to Think Big. I'm at Wash Perk right now, my FAVORITE coffee shop in all of Denver and there is this little "treasure box" near the register, filled with what looks like little pogs (if you are a child of the 80's you'll know what I'm talking about) with quotes on them. This is a very secular, very liberal coffee shop, but it's full of free non-judgemental people which I love. So you never know what you're going to get when you pull out one of these little nuggets of wisdom. This morning I got "I live fully and completely throughout my day". I think I'll keep it somewhere where I'll see it regularly and will be reminded to live fully, it seems to be a consistent theme of my life lately.