Speechless

I find it a little ironic that the subject of this blog is speechless, I am staring at the blank screen and struggling to put into words exactly what is on my heart and yet my hands maneuvered the mouse to post a new post. I am speechless... I feel as though God is doing so much in my heart and life that I must speak but how do you squish the mysterious truths into the 26 letters of the alphabet. All the way from Allie Alligator to Zeke the Zebra... these letters are limited in expressing the transformation that God is doing on my heart. He is molding... he is changing... it hurts but it is so good! It is redemption, it is new life, it is truth!

I am learning how to have faith in a good God even when life does not make any sense. I am allowing God to flow into my life, into the painful parts of my life. Picture a river... a waterfall... a flood... He is flooding into my soul! Into the pain and easing it! He is bringing in a rush of truth, of love and life! He is filling the gaps and holes. He is calling me to Himself, to surrender completely, to humble myself and release control. He is setting me free from the chains of religion and pride. I am falling in love with Him, I am meeting with Him and my soul is filled. I am content, I am learning Paul's secret of contentment, that no matter the circumstance Jesus is all I need. I have so many desires for my life, to be married, to have children, to go to Africa, to own a horse; and yet I have none of these. I am in Grand Rapids, I'm single, childless, and horseless. I have none of the things that my heart longs for and yet it doesn't matter because I have Jesus and He is all I need. I am hungry for Him, I am hungry for Him just as I crave food. My soul craves Him, and He satisfies me.

I am learning the difference between the Gospel, a relationship and religion. "Religion is easier. It dresses me up and tells me exactly what to do and tells me that I am fine. That I make a few mistakes, I am a sinner, but I am okay." The Gospel tells me that I am not okay! That I need, I desperately need Jesus! The Gospel tells me that I must be transparent and that I must be on my knees, that I must be real. The Gospel reminds me of my weakness and that God is my strength, that I am not in control - ever, even when it seems that I am in control. The Gospel tells me that I bring nothing to the equation and it is only through God's grace that I have salavation. These are the things that God is teaching me at my church and I am so grateful for a church and a pastor who teaches truth and points me in the direction towards God.

I feel as though my words have been insufficient and cliche which is frustrating to say the least.

I will end with a verse found in Psalms 103 "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name." This song is spilling over in my heart!